31 Kutipan Buku Maybe You Should Talk To Someone yang Mengena Hati

1. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.

2. We tend to think that the future happens later, but we're creating it in our minds every day. When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists.

3. But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.

4. There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.

5. Relationships in life don't really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you've been close to lives on somewhere inside you. Your past lovers, your parents, your friends, people both alive and dead (symbolically or literally)--all of them evoke memories, conscious or not.

6. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

7. Follow your envy - it shows you what you want.

8. peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

9. Above all, I didn't want to fall into the trap that Buddhists call idiot compassion - an apt phrase, given John's worldview. In idiot compassion, you avoid rocking the boat to spare people's feelings, even though the boat needs rocking and your compassion ends up being more harmful than your honesty. People do this with teenagers, spouses, addicts, even themselves. Its opposite is wise compassion, which means caring about the person but also giving him or her a loving truth bomb when needed.

10. You can have compassion without forgiving. There are many ways to move on, and pretending to feel a certain way isn’t one of them.

11. It’s impossible to get to know people deeply and not come to like them.

12. Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Use them as your map. Don’t be afraid of the truth.

13. The inability to say no is largely about approval-seeking—people imagine that if they say no, they won’t be loved by others. The inability to say yes, however—to intimacy, a job opportunity, an alcohol program—is more about lack of trust in oneself. Will I mess this up? Will this turn out badly? Isn’t it safer to stay where I am?

14. Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope.

15. Anger is the go-to feeling for most people because it’s outward-directed—angrily blaming others can feel deliciously sanctimonious. But often it’s only the tip of the iceberg, and if you look beneath the surface, you’ll glimpse submerged feelings you either weren’t aware of or didn’t want to show: fear, helplessness, envy, loneliness, insecurity. And if you can tolerate these deeper feelings long enough to understand them and listen to what they’re telling you, you’ll not only manage your anger in more productive ways, you also won’t be so angry all the time.

16. The opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but vitality.

17. People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn’t the absence of feelings; it’s a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.

18. If the queen had balls, she’d be the king.” If you go through life picking and choosing, if you don’t recognize that “the perfect is the enemy of the good,” you may deprive yourself of joy.

19. Most big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way.

20. Just because she sends you guilt doesn’t mean you have to accept delivery.

21. But many people come to therapy seeking closure. Help me not to feel. What they eventually discover is that you can’t mute one emotion without muting the others. You want to mute the pain? You’ll also mute the joy.

22. In therapy we aim for self-compassion (Am I human?) versus self-esteem (a judgment: Am I good or bad?).

23. In the best goodbyes, there’s always the feeling that there’s something more to say.

24. Happiness (t) = w0+ w1  γt−jCRj+ w2  γt−jEVj+ w3  γt−jRPEj Which all boils down to: Happiness equals reality minus expectations.

25. What people don’t like to think about is that you can do everything right—in life or in a treatment protocol—and still get the short end of the stick.

26. at some point in our lives, we have to let go of the fantasy of creating a better past.

27. Losing somebody you love is such a profoundly lonely experience, something only you endure in your own particular way.

28. What most people mean by type is a sense of attraction—a type of physical appearance or a type of personality turns them on. But what underlies a person’s type, in fact, is a sense of familiarity. It’s no coincidence that people who had angry parents often end up choosing angry partners, that those with alcoholic parents are frequently drawn to partners who drink quite a bit, or that those who had withdrawn or critical parents find themselves married to spouses who are withdrawn or critical.

29. Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch.—James Baldwin.

30. Honesty is stronger medicine than sympathy, which may console but often conceals.

31. An interesting paradox of the therapy process: In order to do their job, therapists try to see patients as they really are, which means noticing their vulnerabilities and entrenched patterns and struggles. Patients, of course, want to be helped, but they also want to be liked and admired. In other words, they want to hide their vulnerabilities and entrenched patterns and struggles. That’s not to say that therapists don’t look for a patient’s strengths and try to build on those. We do. But while we aim to discover what’s not working, patients try to keep the illusion going to avoid shame—to seem more together than they really are. Both parties have the well-being of the patient in mind but often work at cross-purposes in the service of a mutual goal.